


The Definition of Useless Gays

by ShadeCrawler



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadeCrawler/pseuds/ShadeCrawler
Summary: Patton and Virgil are sure that their crushes will never notice them.Roman and Logan think the same about their own crushes.





	1. Chapter 1

“Virgil, look! Look!”

Virgil sighed and looked up to where Patton was pointing. Across the school parking lot, Patton was pointing at their fellow classmate and captain of the football team, Roman Prince.

‘Yes, Pat,” Virgil said patiently, “I see him.”

Patton hung onto Virgil’s arm and sighed, resting his head on Virgil’s shoulder. “He’s so pretty!” Patton cooed. “He’s so pretty I think I’m going to faint! Vee, Vee, isn’t he so cute?!”

Virgil rolled his eyes and huffed. “I guess.” He perked up when Roman was joined by another student, Logan, the head of the Robotics and Science clubs. “Logan’s better looking though.”

Patton gasped and shook his head. “Nu-uh! Logan’s a cutie pie, I’ll give you that, but Roman is so much more handsome!” He pouted and looked away, starting to lead Virgil to his car. “Too bad he’d never notice me.”

Virgil squeezed Patton’s shoulders comfortingly. “If it makes you feel better, Logan probably wouldn’t even give me the time of day.”

“Oh,” Patton giggled, “what a pair we are. Oh well.”

“Yeah,” Virgil sighed fondly, “oh well.”

* * *

Logan discretely watched his and Roman’s crushes across the parking lot. Roman had his back to them and was watching Logan intently. “Well? Did they look at us?” 

Logan shook his head and adjusted his glasses. “No, they didn’t. Not even a glance.”

Roman huffed and crossed his arms. “Seriously!?“ He frowned sadly. “I knew that they wouldn’t. Patton probably doesn’t even know me outside of class.”

“At least your crush knows you,” Logan said dryly. “I am certain that Virgil wouldn’t even know my name.” He sighed and shook his head. “What I wouldn’t give to have a conversation with him. He leads the debate team to so many victories. His mind must be as sharp as a whip.”

Roman snorted and shook his head. “Virgil might be a good debater but he has nothing on Patton. I mean,” he gestured at Patton who was getting into his car, “Patton is the head of Student Council and he’s the head cheerleader! He’s simply amazing!”

Logan watched Patton’s car drive out of the parking lot. “It is too bad neither of them would ever notice us.”

“Yeah. Too bad.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil bumps into Logan.

Virgil turned the corner of the school hallway and yelped when he ran straight into the back of someone was standing, falling down on his ass and slipping a few drops of coffee on his shirt. He hissed and looked up, ready to rip into whoever had been standing right where people would be coming, when he froze.

Because standing right in front of him with a concerned look on his face, was Logan.

“Are you alright?” Logan asked. He bent down and offered Virgil his hand. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

Virgil took Logan’s hand, screaming in panic inside because **_Logan Abbott was holding his hand_**! “Um, I’m good,” he said shyly. “Just a few drops of coffee on me so no harm was done.”

Virgil was pulled to his feet and Logan put his other hand on his arm to steady him. “I apologize. I shouldn’t have been standing there in the way.”

“No,” Virgil quickly assured him. “I should’ve been looking where I was going. Sorry about that, Logan.”

Logan’s eyes lit up with some emotion that Virgil could figure out and he smiled widely. “How about we mutually agree that it’s no one’s fault?”

Virgil chuckled and nodded. “Sounds good. Um, I should probably head to class.” He went to leave but as he left, Logan stumbled in his direction alerting Virgil to the fact that he was still **_holding Logan’s freaking hand._**

Both boys quickly dropped the other’s hand. “Apologies,” Logan muttered, looking away. “That was my fault.” 

“No problem,” Virgil mumbled back before rushing off down the hall. He fished out his phone out of his pocket to tell Patton about what just happened. But he couldn’t believe he acted so stupid in front of his crush!

* * *

“I cannot believe I acted so stupid in front of him!”

Roman was watching his friend in amusement as he paced around Roman’s bedroom. “I doubt it was that bad,” he tried to comfort him.

Logan groaned and flopped down on Roman’s bed. “I made him spill coffee on himself! And I didn’t let go of his hand until he was trying to leave! I acted ridiculously! Virgil must think terribly of me!”

Roman patted his shoulder and grimaced. “Well, did nothing good happen about this meeting?”

There was a pause before a small smile grew on Logan’s face. “He knew my name,” he offered quietly. 

Roman gasped and flopped down next to him, grinning happily at his face. “See! He knows who you are! The first step is over, your foot is in the door! You can talk to him now!”

Logan gave him a look that suggested that he thought that Roman was being particularly stupid. “Please, Roman. After what happened today, I doubt that Virgil would ever want to see me again.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman meets with Patton after cheerleading practice.

Patton hummed as he stuffed his cheerleading outfit in his bag and zipped it up. It had certainly been a long practice but now it was all over with and he could go collect Virgil from his Debate Club meeting and go get some sodas and other snacks for movie night. **  
**

He slung his bag over his shoulder and headed out of the door from the change room. Patton covered his mouth and closed his eyes as a yawn escaped him. He really couldn’t wait until he was at his kiddo’s house where they could have a good cuddle, movie session. He just wished that there wouldn’t be any delays on his way home because he really didn’t want to deal with no one besides his precious Virgil.

“Patton!” Well, almost no one else.

Patton made a sound that sounded like a mix between a yelp and a squeak (how embarrassing!) He turned around and fixed a smile on his face to greet Roman, who was running down the hall toward him with a big smile on his face.

“Hello, Roman!” Patton chirped. He folded his hands behind his back and tilted his head, hoping that he wasn’t acting weird or anything like that. “How can I help you?”

Roman reached Patton and doubled over, placing his hands on his knees and taking deep breaths. He straightened up and grinned at Patton. “Hi, Patton. I’m sorry to bother you but I really need your help.”

Patton’s heart leapt into his throat because **_Roman Prince needed his help! His help!_** “Oh, it’s no bother,” Patton shrugged, playing it off. “I’d be glad to help with whatever you needed. But, I really do need to go pick up my friend soon. He’s at Debate practice. Me and Virgil are going to watch some Star Wars tonight and he’s really excited to watch it. He loves space stuff”

Roman nodded and reached into his bag, pulling out a page of paper that Patton recognized as something their shared Drama teacher. “Have you finished this yet? I’m totally stuck on the last question and I was hoping you’d know.”

“Oh! Yeah, my friend helped me with it!” Patton shifted a little closer and tried to ignore Roman’s strong arms brushing up against his. “It’s a tricky question!” He pointed to the question that Roman was having trouble with. “It’s three beats! I think Mr. Sanders went over it with us early on in the term so I’m not surprised you didn’t remember. I needed help with it too.”

Roman grinned at him and Patton had to fight not to swoon. “Thanks a lot, Patton! You really helped me out. I was afraid that I wasn’t going to figure it out by tomorrow.”

Patton smiled at him kindly. “You would’ve figured it out, Roman! You’re so smart when it comes to drama.” He inwardly smacked himself for coming on so forward but Roman seemed to like it, beaming with happiness.

Roman brushed his hair back from his eyes. “Why, thank you! But, really, you completely saved me here.” He stuffed his paper back into his bag and gave Patton another bright smile. “I need to go pick up Logan from Robotics. Thanks again, Patty!”

Patton’s heart screeched with joy at the nickname but forced himself to turn away and wave goodbye to Roman over his shoulder. “No problem! Just glad I could help.” He waited until he turned the corner and then practically flew down the halls to get to where Virgil was waiting for him in the parking lot.

Virgil yelped when Patton jumped on him suddenly and squealed in his ear. “Patton! What-”

“Roman talked to me!” Patton squealed. “He stopped me in the hallway and asked me for help with his homework!”

Virgil gasped and pulled Patton to his car. “Okay, we are going to get snacks and you are going to spill the freaking tea! He actually talked to you?”

Patton nodded eagerly. “He did! Oh, he actually smiled at me, VeeVee! It was amazing!” He sighed and leaned his head on Virgil’s shoulder as Virgil dug through his hoodie pockets for his keys. “I know he didn’t feel the same way, but it felt magical.”

* * *

“I’m telling you, Lo, it was magical!”

Roman had his head in Logan’s lap and telling Logan all about his meeting with Patton in the hallway. The two were hanging out in Logan’s room to talk about Roman’s run-in with Patton.

“It certainly sounds like it,” Logan chuckled. “Though, didn’t you complete your drama homework in class?”

Roman smiled bashfully up at his friend. “I started a conversation with him and panicked! I’m just glad I grabbed an extra page by accident.” He sighed and his grin turned soft. “I’m just so happy right now! I talked to him! Oh, I almost forgot!”

He shifted his head off of Logan’s lap and sat up next to him. “Patton told me that your emo crush loves space. Apparently, he and Virgil are watching Star Wars tonight to cater to Virgil’s love of the stars.”

Logan’s smile turned soft and affectionate. “I wonder what he would think of stargazing,” he wondered aloud.

Roman snorted and punched his arm gently. “You have to ask him out first.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Like that’s ever going to happen.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Logan shares his favourite class with his crush and tries to keep his cool.
> 
> Characters: Logan, Virgil, and Remy
> 
> Warnings: None, I think.

Calculus class was Logan’s favourite part of the day, and it had nothing to do with the complicated problems they got to do. It had much more to do with the fact that Virgil Shae sat exactly two rows in front of him.

With his homework completed and his earbuds in to ignore the chatter of the imbeciles around him, Logan could discreetly watch Virgil out of the corner of his eye. He found himself smiling at how Virgil would scrunch his face a little while focusing on one the problems and how his purple bangs fell right in his eyes and he’d have to blow them out of the way each time.

Logan sighed quietly, and then immediately made a face at how much like an infatuated teenager he sounded like. Really, he should give up on this nonsensical crush. It was doing nothing for him and he doubted that anything would come out of it. All the crush was doing was distracting him from his school work. He had even been stressing around this class all day though it had to have had to do so much more than Virgil being there. He just couldn’t figure out what else there was to stress about.

He glanced back down at his homework and frowned when he saw a small mistake at the first question. Logan sighed and shook his head, firmly erasing the mistake. This was the things that crushes allowed to happen. What would happen if something like this had happened during a test instead of a simple worksheet?

“Mr. Abbott?”

Logan looked back up to see his teacher standing by Virgil’s desk and staring at him. He took the earbuds out of his ears and replied, “Yes, Mr. Brody?”

Mr. Brody raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you finished with your homework? Because Mr. Shae here is having a little trouble with the concepts in tonight’s homework and I really think he’d understand better having another student explain it to him.”

Logan’s heart skipped a beat at Mr. Brody’s request and he immediately nodded. “Of course, Mr. Brody. I’d be happy to.” A thought rose to the forefront of his mind that tried to remind him that he was just thinking about how his crush on Virgil was foolish.

That thought was immediately squashed once Logan got a good look at Virgil, who was almost pouting at his paper in annoyance. Damn him and his cuteness.

Logan grabbed his chair and moved it up to Virgil’s desk, sitting beside him. “What exactly is it that you’re having trouble with, Virgil?”

Virgil wouldn’t meet his eyes and Logan abruptly remembered how his last meeting with his crush had gone. Logan bit back a wince. Ah, yes, that was why he had been so nervous about this class all day. What an excellent time to remember.

“It’s the adding of Vectors,” Virgil huffed. “I just don’t understand how to do it.”

Logan nodded and picked up Virgil’s pencil and leaning forward, his arm brushing against Virgil’s. “Well, I believe I could explain it to you rather easily using the first problem in our homework.”

Virgil nodded and pulled his chair a little closer to Logan. “Sounds good.”

Logan swallowed and started to explain the concept to Virgil, trying his best to ignore just how close he and Virgil were right now. He really hoped that he wasn’t blushing right now but he wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

“Does that make more sense?” Logan asked once he had finished his explanation. He looked at the other boy expectantly.

Virgil nodded slowly and plucked his pencil from Logan’s hands, their fingers brushing against each other for the briefest of moments. “I think so. Could you help me with the next one too? Just to make sure I got it before you go back to your seat?”

“Of course,” Logan replied.

He watched Virgil go through the question, correcting him at some points but other than that, he allowed Virgil to go through it on his own. He nodded when Virgil got the correct answer.

“Excellent job,” he praised.

Virgil gave him a small smile. “Thanks. Um, you’re pretty good at this stuff.”

“Thank you,” Logan nodded, forcing himself to not look away in embarrassment. “Calculus is one of my favourite subjects and it comes rather easy to me.”

Virgil huffed and looked down at his paper. “It’s the exact opposite for me. I just can’t understand anything the teacher tells me.”

A thought so sudden and ridiculous came to Logan’s mind and before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “I could tutor you!”

Virgil snapped his head up and stared at Logan in shock. “What?”

Logan felt like shaking himself. Why would he offer that?! Virgil would undoubtedly turn down his offer, with an awkward and pitying look no doubt, so why did he say that? “I apologize,” he backpedalled, “I didn’t mean to impose where I shouldn’t,”

“Yes!” Virgil cut in. He swallowed and tapped his pencil against the desk nervously. “I mean, if you’re okay with tutoring me then I guess I’d be okay with it. But, only if you’re cool with the fact that I’m not a fast learner so we’ll probably be seeing a lot of each other.”

The thought of seeing more of this adorable Emo warmed Logan’s heart to levels that he thought impossible. His lips stretched into a wide grin. “Excellent! Does after school on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in the library work for you?”

The bell rang before Virgil could answer and then all Logan could hear was other students talking over each other and rushing to class. Virgil said something, but it was impossible for Logan to hear him.

“Pardon!?” Logan asked with his voice raised. “I couldn’t hear what you said!”

Virgil leaned forward and Logan was suddenly acutely aware of how close he was to the other boy. “Those days are fine!” Virgil replied. He grabbed his homework and bag and left, shouting back a quick, “See you tomorrow then!”

Logan just sat there for a few seconds with a goofy grin on his face because, despite knowing that tomorrow wouldn’t be a date, he would be with his crush doing something Logan loved, math.

This was going to be amazing.

* * *

 

* * *

 

Virgil paced back and forth in his living room, tangling his fingers through his hair. “What the hell was I thinking?!

His father tsked from where he was sitting on the couch. “Honey, you’re not going to get any thinking done with all that stressing you’re doing.” He held out his arms. “C’mere, baby, let Remy help.”

Virgil whined and plopped down next to Remy, curling up and hiding his face in Remy’s shoulder. “I made a total fool of myself, Remy! Mr. Brody had to call Logan over to help me and I still only sort of understood the stuff he was telling me.”

Remy nodded and ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair. “That’s fine, Darling. I don’t know calculus for shit and I know Emile only understands a little of that stuff. No big deal if you don’t do that well. You don’t need it for College, right? So it’s okay.”

Virgil moaned. “That’s not it, Rem! I made a fool of myself in front of Logan! He probably only offered to tutor me out of pity!”

Remy pulled back a little, “Honey, you’re telling me that this boy offered to be alone with you for a few days each week and you’re worried about what he thinks of you? Darling, he obviously thinks you’re worth helping at the very least. And, if he doesn’t see anything else,” Remy waved a hand dismissively, “he’s a moron and ain’t worth your time.”

Virgili chuckled and looked down at his lap. “You really think so?”

“I know so, bae,” Remy assured him. “Now, why don’t you go find Emile and tell him about your new, cute tutor? He’s probably in our room watching Avatar and I know that, even if he’ll deny it, the only thing he likes better than cartoons is gossip.”

Virgil smiled and got up. “Yeah, Alright. Maybe he’ll have some tips for this sort of thing. If not, I’ll ask Patton on the way to school tomorrow.”

Remy gasped dramatically. “Honey, you don’t wanna ask Emmy those questions. Ask Me! I’m the romantic one in our relationship!”

Virgil snorted. “Yeah, sure. Emile told me all about how romantic you were as bedtime stories when you guys first adopted me. He said you were oblivious to how much he liked you for ages.”

Remy watched Virgil leave with an amused look on his face. “Being oblivious, huh,” he muttered. “I bet you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Vee?”


End file.
